Sounds Like Whoosh, Does Not Promote Fresh Feeling

Ooh.  I think it's the right moment for that one blog post I talked about.  I just hope I haven't talked it up too much and ends up in disappointment.  If you didn't remember, then, hey!  The topic's new to you!

________

From Answers.com:

douche (dūsh)
n.

1. 1. A stream of water, often containing medicinal or cleansing agents, that is applied to a body part or cavity for hygienic or therapeutic purposes.
   2. A stream of air applied in a similar way.
2. The application of a douche.
3. An instrument for applying a douche.

   

[French, shower, from Italian doccia, conduit, back-formation from doccione, pipe, from Latin ductiō, ductiōn-, act of leading, from ductus, past participle of dūcere, to lead.]
________

Ah.  The word "douche" is awesome, isn't it?

I don't think I know a better word to describe smug, self-centered, egotistical, vain, careless, blindly self-obsessed; did I already use smug?; and how about deluded?; and also rude; people.  *gasps for breath*

See?  That above is seven or nine words --depending on how you count-- to clumsily try to get the point across.

But if I say "douchebag" or the briefer and more to the point, "douche", you just get it.  And we can all have a laugh and then, twenty five minutes later, repeat the word with emphasis and start giggling and snorting all over again.

It is the perfect insult combined with a happily onomatopoeic pronunciation for maximum enjoyment.

Say it aloud: "douche."

________

For me, the best part of this particular insult is that it comes from the same word root as "duke", "duct" (as in the tape), and "deduce".  Yes, I know: nerdy and random.

But it IS significant:  because you see, it's definitely an American invention, just like Duke himself and duct tape-- it is a word whose very ethereal definition can be made what you want it to be, albeit still holding a particular essence of what it means (that last part would be the deduction part).  Douche:  It's the American Dream of insults, because YOU the American people make it what it is.

Therefore, the words "douche" and "douchebag" exist in the collective psyche of us all.  "Turd sandwich", while hilarious, is a distant second.

Do you think this is just some random bullshitting from someone who is enjoying way too much the way her fingers are ever so neatly falling on d-o-u-c-h-e a lot on this entry?  Perhaps.

But!

Just do me a favor: think of someone who is a complete and total douchebag. 

Thinking?  Good.

Chances are that you zeroed in on someone whose values are not like yours; who is probably enamored with him or herself; and who really could benefit from a change in perspective and a slap across the face for being such a....

.... douche.  That's right.  See?  It rolls trippingly off the tongue, with no effort whatsoever!

It doesn't matter that Urban Dictionary has over one hundred definitions of the term -- many of which feature another modifying word.  And it doesn't matter that the fellas over at Big Douchebag range from the old and pervy to the young and clueless to the sartorially incapable, for their doucheness unites them all.  A douche has become a deliciously universal word to describe a repellent human being.  One who also happens to be dense, and possibly vinegary.

_________

Maybe the term itself is some vestige from the feminist movement-- use as an insult that which was used to oppress and attack ladyparts. I still cannot believe that people actually irrigated (and still irrigate) their poor gentle vaginas with something that is meant to clean floors and disinfect counters.  Incidentally, if you have stumbled upon my blog honestly looking for information about douches,  I urge you to click here for information on what douches can do to your delicate lily blossom.

Ick.

A shrewd commentator from the last entry remarked that "douche" does seem to be a very 80s term.  I concur, but I must also point out that if footless tights are coming back, it was only a matter of time before we would see a reemergence of the word-- along with its far more dated cousin, "bitchin'".

But douche will forever live in our hearts and our minds as the foremost word to describe ... well, you know.

Long live the funniest insult on earth-- and one that is safe to write on mainstream media blogs, even!

And long live the slimy, sycophant, arrogant, lily-livered, popped-collared, no-game, frat-boy-at-33, preppy-jerk, cutting-me-off-by-riding-on-the-shoulder, ridiculously-large-bag-toting-skinny-women, elbowing-idiot-in-the-metro, perverted-mustachioed-freak, backward-baseball-cap-even-indoor-wearing DOUCHEBAGS of this world.

Amen.

Comments

[Vixen]

Okay, I laughed myself silly on this one. Aside from that, I'm speechless. I really don't have anything to say except... yeah!

On an unrelated note... next week is the Toronto Santa Claus Parade!!! That makes it officially one month until Christmas at that time!!

[alejna]

Hurray for douche! (But perhaps not for the actual douchebags who merit the label.) What a rousing tribute to a very useful term.

[Ghosty]

Oooh, yes, I know a douchbag. I know SUCH a douchebag, and I've been at a lack for a word for him. Wonderful! Now I know what to call him under my breath.

[Juanita]

Oh my god. Were you in the elevator with me at Whole Foods today? Cause I know you wrote this post about the douche and his lady friend who rudely swooped in an took my elevator and then got mad when I had the audacity to ride in it too. Especially since they already had to go down and back up with their ONE FRICKIN BAG!!!! Mmmm this post brings back the luscious smell of Cool Water and their oppressive stares when I pushed the B button. God Bless douches everywhere.

[Anita]

Is there an award for "Post of the Year"?? 'Cause this one deserves it! Fabulous!

[Nikki]

Oh, this made me laugh.

And I do love that "douche" is (probably) unintended-ly) onomatopoeic.