A Daily Dose of Zen Sarcasm!

Craftiness

A Tiny Crane (Day three hundred eleven), originally uploaded by Madame Meow.

This is just a tiny reminder always to find something interesting where others see only garbage.

Also, a reminder that sushi can save lives.

We will not enter a discussion of how this statement is rendered invalid by the mere existence of the puffer fish. (Fugu you)

I hope wherever you are there are scraps of paper that can be turned into friends; the color red to bring you luck; sushi; and alcohol.

xoxo

In Which I Also Reveal I'm a Cheap Date

This one is for all the waiters and waitresses out there.

Wait: is it now politically incorrect to call them "waitresses"?  Is this another feminine form that, like "stewardess" and "actress" before it, has been sacrificed because of a misplaced sense of indignation where a feminine form of a word (as if the word cared) is equated with discrimination and mistreatment of an entire group?

I can't keep track. 

Screaming For It And Betting You Will, Too

One of the few rules we lowly blogging reviewers have to abide whilst writing our reviews is a simple one: if you cannot write a balanced review, please do not write a review.

I am here to say that when it comes to ice cream, alas, the bias is pretty strong.  How on earth can ice cream really be improved and make me gush lovingly about it even more, so it even exceeds my already pretty big bias toward ice cream?

Live and learn, I suppose.
_________

I was lucky enough to receive four samples of the new Häagen-Dazs ® five ice cream product line last week, and you may think that just because I got ice cream in the mail I am gushing about it.

True, it's exciting.  And getting the dry ice that came along with it and cackle madly as I poured hot water on it was fun, too.

But dear people, this ice cream!  It is DELICIOUS!  It is magic that dissolves in your mouth and it's creamy goodness that could have not arrived at a better time so I could enjoy it during an incredibly nice spring day.

The five line gets its name because only five ingredients are used in the making of the ice cream:milk, cream, sugar, eggs and the essence of the featured flavor-- such as my hands-down favorite flavor, passion fruit.

[N.B. Häagen-Dazs ice creams are already very minimalist; for instance, their regular vanilla  ice cream also boasts only five ingredients, as do the coffee, chocolate and strawberry flavors.]

Amazingly enough, the pruning of the ingredients list also makes the ice creams in this line lower in fat than those from the Häagen-Dazs premium line; although 11 grams of fat per 1/2 cup serving is still a LOT OF FAT, which also means that you probably should not sit down and drown your sorrows with an entire pint of ice cream to begin with, but please don't let me stop your consumption of ice cream.

I must admit that when I first opened my thirlling parcel of cold goodness, the thing that caught me off guard was the flavors: ginger, passion fruit, mint, brown sugar.  To be honest, they all sounded a little oddball and maybe not particularly thrilling.  However, once you get past the possible oddness of the varieties and actually taste them, the concerns melt away as easily as the ice cream does in your mouth.
As I've noted, my personal favorite was the passion fruit flavor;  Monsieur Meow liked ginger best; Herr Meow was a big fan of mint, which I thought a sophisticated choice for a little fella of three; and Rev. Mom thought the brown sugar was best-- though she was torn between it and the passion fruit.

And if you would like to try a FREE 14 oz. pint (*cough*apintisSIXTEENouncescheapskates*cough*) of Häagen-Dazs ice cream, be one of the first three people to leave me a nice, thoughtful comment as to why you deserve ice cream and I will send you a coupon. 

Now let me hear you scream for ice cream.  I know I already did.

A Morsel of Morcilla

A Morsel of Morcilla, originally uploaded by Madame Meow.

Behold my lunch today: black pudding, a.k.a. morcilla.

A.k.a. boudin noir. A.k.a. blood sausage.

I ate it and I LOVED it. I used to eat it when I was a kid and didn't know I was eating rice soaked in pig's blood, really. So now that I know, I try not to think about it and instead enjoy the deliciousness that is.

Overthinking is the enemy.

Although if you over-overthink, you realize that if you eat any kind of animal, you're eating blood by default just because there is no way you can remove every single blood cell from every single microscopic capillary in your dinner.

But yes, I realize that most people don't think about eating blood as something good, or even remotely sane. But oh.... you have no idea of what you're missing. Especially when that something is a bridge to a small part of your cultural identity.

And especially when that something can connect you to yourself AND gross people out.

The inner twelve-year old never evolves, after all.

Follow-up Meme: The Sweet 100!

Those of you who are regulars might remember the meme I shared back a month or so ago about The Omnivore's 100 --a list of foods both vomitive and sublime that most people who call themselves foodies should taste at some point.

Well, not to be outdone, Cakespy has put out a list of 100 treats to try in the same spirit as the original (i.e. caviar and blinis commingling with Big Macs and Hostess pies).  Here are the instructions and a link to Cakespy's original post.  Have fun!

(ZS note: as with the previous meme, the notes that follow the entry are based on my personal experience, because, well, I like to talk.  Er, write.  Also?  I think that as long as it's sweet, I'd give it a whirl and barf later if it was really bad.  Sorry about the possible visual.)

1) Copy this list into your site, including the instructions!
2) Bold all of the sweets you've eaten--or make them a different type color.
3) Cross out any of them that you'd never ever eat.

4) Consider anything that is not bold or crossed out your "To Do" List.
5) Optional: Post a comment here linking to your results--or just post a comment letting us know how many you've tried, or what you're going to try next!

1. Red Velvet Cake--I haven't had a piece yet.  Weird.
2. Princess Torte--I like marzipan.  I'm weird.  I know.
   
3. Whoopie Pie--They are good.  There.  I said it.
   
4. Apple Pie either topped or baked with sharp cheddar-- I think it's a requirement to try it at least once if you're living in the States.
   
5. Beignet--Fried dough is goooooood.
   
6. Baklava--Good, but a bit too sweet.  This is a bizarre statement coming from me.
   
7. Black and white cookie--Yes.
8. Seven Layer Bar (also known as the Magic Bar or Hello Dolly bars)--No, but it sounds odd.
9. Fried Fruit pie (sometimes called hand pies)-- Yup.  If it's fried, I have probably eaten it.
10. Kringle--Huh... no! 
11. Just-fried (still hot) doughnut-- Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.  Heart.
12. Scone with clotted cream--a tea-time must!
    
13. Betty, Grunt, Slump, Buckle or Pandowdy-- Uh... yes?  God, I'm so confused.
    
14. Halvah--Ugh... vaguely remember not liking this much.
15. Macarons--No and I feel like a fraud.
16. Banana pudding with nilla wafers--Yes.  It's okay, I suppose.
    
17. Bubble tea (with tapioca "pearls")--One of the grossest things under the sun.
    
18. Dixie Cup--Well, I have had ice cream out of tiny cups but I don't know for sure if they were Dixie Cups.
    
19. Rice Krispie treats-- Made some recently, even.
    
20. Alfajores--Mmmmm.
21. Blondies--No, actually.  Sound intriguing.
22. Croquembouche--Does it count if I have eaten profiteroles by themselves?
23. Girl Scout cookies--Samoas!!!!!!!!!
    
24. Moon cake--Yes-- strangely tasty.
25. Candy Apple-- Yes, but it's so much work to eat!
    
26. Baked Alaska--On an Alaskan cruise, too!  They dress them up with sparklers and everything!  (Next I'll be telling you about the top entertainment in Bronson, Mo.)
27. Brooklyn Egg Cream--I know it's neither egg nor a cream, but the name turns me off.
28. Nanaimo bar--Nah, nah.  Imo.
    
29. Baba au rhum--The dessert of the gods.
30. King Cake--Nope.
31. Sachertorte--Sounds like something I'd love or whose cheap imitation I've ingested.
32. Pavlova--Sounds yummy.
    
33. Tres Leches Cake--Ooooh yes.  You gain 10 lbs. just looking at one.
34. Trifle--I even made my own back in 3rd grade!
35. Shoofly Pie--Molasses are not exciting.
    
36. Key Lime Pie (made with real key lime)-- Made one a few weeks back, even.
37. Panna Cotta--Purrable.
    
38. New York Cheesecake-- If it's cheesecake, I've probably eaten it.  All.
    
39. Napoleon / mille-feuille--Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x10^10!
    
40. Russian Tea Cake / Mexican Wedding Cake--Cute but annoying when the powder gets everywhere.
41. Anzac biscuits--Nope.  Feeling incomplete.
42. Pizzelle--Yummy!
43. Kolache--This looks suspiciously like a Danish roll.
44. Buckeyes--Can't say I have.  They look tasty, though.
    
45. Malasadas--In Hawaii you kind of are expected to at least try them.
    
46. Moon Pie--Nom.
    
47. Dutch baby--Never heard them called by that name, but they are tasty.
    
48. Boston Cream Pie--Cream pies and I are like this *crosses fingers*
    
49. Homemade chocolate chip cookies-- Of course!
    
50. Pralines-- Yes.  Not favorites, but tasty when sugar must be had.
51. Gooey butter cake--Oh lordy... this sounds like I must eat it, STAT!
52. Rusks--Are these technically sweet?  I mean, they are nummy but they are more bland than sweet, you know?
    
53. Daifuku--Apart from sounding vaguely like an insult, I just don't care for red bean paste... sorry.
    
54. Green tea cake or cookies-- Yes but do not remember being swayed with emotion.
    
55. Cupcakes from a cupcake shop-- Yes.  What a rip-off, for the main part.
    
56. Crème brûlée-- Hearing that crackle= bliss.
57. Some sort of deep fried fair food (twinkie, candy bar, cupcake)-- I know I said if it's deep fried, I've eaten it.  Alas, even I draw the line,
    
58. Yellow cake with chocolate frosting-- One of the best things in life.
    
59. Jelly Roll--I am a doughnut.
    
60. Pop Tarts-- Regretted every single one; still eat them.  (The store is a disgrace to the cake)
    
61. Charlotte Russe--So delicate and nummy... yes. 
    
62. An "upside down" dessert (Pineapple upside down cake or Tarte Tatin)--NOM!
63. Hummingbird Cake--No wonder there are so many fat Southerners (I'm looking at you, Paula Deen).  Gotta try it.
    
64. Jell-O from a mold-- Oh please.
    
65. Black forest cake--Possibly perfection in a cake.
66. Mock Apple Pie (Ritz Cracker Pie)--Disturbing, yet alluring.  Stop me now.
    
67. Kulfi--Can't you just ask about pistachio ice cream?  Because that, I have had.
    
68. Linzer torte--Um, I have had Linzertorte cookies... does that count?
    
69. Churro--NOOOOOOM!!!!!!
    
70. Stollen--No, I paid for it.  Once I got a very lame version for free.
    
71. Angel Food Cake--Yes, yes.
    
72. Mincemeat pie--Out of all the pies, not my favorite.  A nice choice, however.
73. Concha--Amazingly, no. 
    
74. Opera Cake--I've had a version of this-- I am sure of it.
75. Sfogliatelle / Lobster tail--Oh man... I know I've bitten into something like that, but I am just not sure.  After a while, all these pastries start to sound the same.
76. Pain au chocolat--It's as good as the chocolate they use.  Otherwise, I'd rather just eat a croissant.
    
77. A piece of Gingerbread House-- Stale gingerbread isn't exciting.
78. Cassata--I've had cassata ice cream, but I don't think I've had the cake.  Sounds a little ew, though.
    
79. Cannoli--It's a must, especially if you've seen pieces of The Godfather as many times as I have.
80. Rainbow cookies--Nope, but they look cute.
    
81. Religieuse--MmmmmmMmMmmmmm!!
    
82. Petits fours--These things are like Madame Meow crack.  Tiny frosted cakes in pretty colors?  All over that.
    
83. Chocolate Souffle--Yes, but amazingly not a favorite.  I like my chocolate more solid.
84. Bienenstich (Bee Sting Cake)--Sounds elaborate.
85. Rugelach--NOM NOM NOM! (even if the name sounds like barfing)
86. Hamenstashen--I've seen them in person but never eaten them.  Huh.
87. Homemade marshmallows-- No.  Somehow getting them out of a bag sounds more exciting, as sacrilegious as that might be.
88. Rigo Janci--I will say no, but again, it sounds familiar.
89. Pie or cake made with candy bar flavors (Snickers pie, Reeses pie, etc)--Yup.  It is really not very exciting, but it's tasty.
90. Divinity--MmmmmmmmMmMmMMmm!  (again)
91. Coke or Cola cake--Uh.... as much as I do like the taste of Coca-Cola, something tells me I should pass.
92. Gateau Basque--Wow... never heard of it, but it sounds so chic with its little cross thingy.
93. S'mores-- Yes.  Really not that exciting unless you're camping.
94. Figgy Pudding--Nope. 
95. Bananas foster or other flaming dessert-- It's one of my favorite kinds of dessert.  Dessert + fire = awesome.
96. Joe Froggers --I will say no, but molasses cookies sound familiar nonetheless.  Familiar, and a little yucky for some reason.
97. Sables--Yes, but it's not a favorite cookie.
    
98. Millionaire's Shortbread --Yes, but I'm not overly fond of shortbread.
    
99. Animal crackers--Kind of a parental requirement.
100. Basbousa Nope.... never even heard of it until now. 

I seem to be counting 67, which is a D average.  I guess that's not too bad butI feel like I need to avenge my sweet tooth somehow. 

How about you out there?

From the Stolen Meme Files: The Omnivore's 100

Saw this very intriguing meme over at Canned Laughter and thought I'd try it: there is always something morbidly fun about seeing just how many odd things you have or have not tasted. 

1)Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you have eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
4) Optional extra: Post a comment at Very Good Taste linking to your results.

(** ZS Note: Many of these items should probably be looked up before you answer. --MM)

1. Venison- Not my favorite, really.
2. Nettle tea - Is it bad that most of my nettle-related memories involve putting it in your hair as a tonic?
3. Huevos rancheros - Eggs, beans, meat.  Pair with beer for an explosive day.
4. Steak tartare- Not terribly into raw beef.
5. Crocodile - Have had it, and it honestly does kinda taste like chicken.  Wouldn't mind having again.
6. Black pudding -I prefer to call it morcilla, and when done right it can put a little spring in your step.
7. Cheese fondue -Mmmmm.... it was worth the visits to several liquor stores to get the kirschwasser.
8. Carp -Not memorable, but hey-- it's fish.
9. Borscht -Greasy, lukewarm and disgusting.  And featuring my arch-enemy, beets.
10. Baba ghanouj - I'll stick to hummus.
11. Calamari - Yes, it's a little tough, but it's so very yummy when done right!
12. Pho - Yesssssss! And here's proof!
13. PB&J sandwich - I think it's one of those American musts.
14. Aloo Gobi- Oooh......curry.  Love.
15. Hot dog from a street cart, meat on a stick, too. -That's kind of a DC must, I think. 
16. Epoisses - Honestly? I'd never heard of it in my life, but it sounds kind of gross, Brillat-Savarin be damned.
17. Black Truffle- Hmm.... wow.  Nope, never had them, but I'm open.
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes -Raspberry wine is quite tasty.
19. Steamed Pork Buns - Oh.... heart.  My stomach is aflutter with Dim Sum memories.
20. Pistachio ice cream - It was a must in my parents' house.
21. Heirloom tomatoes - Even people who don't like tomatoes like heirlooms, right?
22. Fresh wild berries - Whenever I've had the chance, I've partaken.
23. Foie gras -I'll even eat it when it's called liverwurst.
24. Rice and beans - Is it possible that there is a person alive who's never tried rice and beans?
25. Souse and Brawn or Head Cheese - Gross.  No thanks.
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet Pepper- I'm not really into pain.
27. Dulce de leche - I prefer to call it arequipe, but yes please.
28. Oysters - Only if they are cooked.  Raw oysters make me uncomfortable.
29. Baklava -Tasty, but not among my most favorites.
30. Bagna cauda - Hadn't heard of it either, but that one does sound good.
31. Wasabi peas - They are okay, but I'd rather eat the crackers.  However, if you put a bowl in front of me, I'll probably pick at them.
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl - Warm, lovely, tasty Monterey memories.
33. Salted lassi -Salted sounds kinda icky, but those yogurt drinks are pretty yummy.
34. Sauerkraut -I'll let Monsieur Meow eat mine.
35. Root beer float-  YumYumYumYumYumYum!  Delicioso!
36. Cognac with a fat cigar - Cigars make my jaw ache.  Cognac doesn't.
37. Clotted cream tea - I prefer my tea peasant-style, thank you.
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O -Way to ruin jell-o.
39. Gumbo -Does anyone have a nice recipe?
40. Oxtail - Yesssssssss!!!!  I dream of oxtail stew.
41. Curried goat- Goat is gross.  Period.
42. Whole insects - Chocolate-covered ants are not bad.  They taste peppery.
43. Phaal - Scared of something billed as "hotter than Vindaloo"
44. Goat’s Milk- I seem to remember drinking it when I lived with my grandfather in the Austrian Alps.  Oh wait: that was Heidi.
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more- I'm not necessarily averse to trying really expensive whisky or scotch, but the opportunity hasn't presented itself, and I'm not a big fan of whiskey to begin with (this should count as 1/2).
46. Fugu - It just sounds a little too risky for my taste.
47. Chicken Tiki Masala-  Yum!
48. Eel -Stars in my favorite sushi roll, the Dragon Roll!
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut -Can any one person in this world say they are truly and well immune to doughnuts?  If so, I'd like to weep for that person.
50. Sea urchin - Maybe one day I'll be brave enough to try.
51. Prickly Pear - Tunas an pitahayas bring back childhood memories.
52. Umeboshi- I won't highlight it because I'm not sure, but this sounds familiar (they serve many a pickled thing at some Japanese restaurants).
53. Abalone - Only once, and I cannot remember it well enough.  I should then probably have it again.
54. Paneer - Nope, had never heard of it, honestly.
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal -Yes.  Don't tempt me, seriously.
56. Spaetzle -Yup.  Not bad, but I prefer dumplings when possible.
57. Dirty gin martini - The only things more beautiful than gin & tonics are martinis.  I am not super fond of really dirty martinis, though.
58. Beer above 8% ABV - Yes, ma'am!
59. Poutine - It will be a lovely day when I can try this Canadian delicacy.  For now, I will stick to chili fries.
60. Carob Chips - Sound vile.
61. S’mores - Of course :o)
62. Sweetbreads - Sick.
63. Kaolin -Why would I eat clay?  I don't have pica.
64. Currywurst - No but it sounds good.  Then again anything "sausage" is usually good.
65. Durian - Pass.
66. Frogs' legs: Never had them, but they sound intriguing.
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake - It's fried dough!  Of COURSE!
68. Haggis- I'm marking haggis as 1/2 because apart from the fact that it's made of sheep, there is not much difference between it and some kinds of black pudding.  (haggis lovers may commence lynching sequence)
69. Fried plantain -Proof there is a higher power. 
70. Chitterlings or Andouillette -Offal just sounds kind of mostly wrong.
71. Gazpacho -  When done right, it's pretty good.
72. Caviar and blini- Nope.  Never had the pleasure (except that, really, everyone's eaten blini.  I mean... pancakes?)
73. Louche absinthe - Not yet, but now it's legal in the US.
74.  Gjetost, or brunost- What's up with the weird cheeses in this list?
75. Roadkill - Okay... do people seriously eat roadside discards?  I mean, I can see eating opossum or squirrel, but picked off the side of the road?  Really?
76. Baijiu - Nope, but I've had soju.  I imagine it's just as bad.
77. Hostess Fruit Pie -This list is putting bad thoughts in my mind.
78. Snail - Cleaned and in a delightful garlic sauce, they sure are good.  Just off the ground?  Pass.
79  Lapsang Souchong -I can't say I've ever had it, and it shames me as a tea fan.
80. Bellini - Peachy goodness and champagne.  Whee!
81. Tom Yum- The people in my life force me to eat Thai.  I suppose there could be worse things in life.
82. Eggs Benedict - The perfect breakfast, always.
83. Pocky - Evil delicious sticks. 
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant - Wowza!  Fancy!  Does it count that I've stepped in and been turned away from a three-star restaurant? 
85. Kobe beef- Yes, but I gotta say it's a little skunky tasting.  Is that sacrilegious?
86. Hare- Is hare the same as rabbit for purposes of this list?  Because if yes, then yes. (that's why it's half-bold)
87. Goulash - We even have an inside joke about it.
88. Flowers - I've made my own candied pansies, even!
89. Horse - Oh please... you know if you've had meat from a dubious place, that you've probably had some horse unwittingly.
90. Criollo chocolate - Yum.
91. Spam -Well, it's good in musubis...
92. Soft-shell crab- I haven't!  Isn't that a shame?
93. Rose harissa - No.  But it sounds pretty!
94 -Catfish- I don't think I've tasted American Catfish.  Something about the whole bottom-dwelling lifestyle kind of puts me off a little.
95. Mole Poblano- It's always sounded intriguing.  Maybe one day I will try it.
96. Bagel and lox - Yum!
97. Lobster Thermidor - I've had lobster, but not Thermidor.
98. Polenta - It's especially good when cheesy.
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain Coffee   No thanks.  Colombian coffee is still the best to my taste and in my heart.
100. Snake- Hmm... I think I'll pass.

Wow... if I counted right (which you'd be surprised to know just how hard it is around my house), I have tried 64 out of 100.  That's like a D-average, but I suppose it's not too bad, right?

How about you, faithful blog readers?  How many have you tried?

Seriously, Sometimes People are Cold-Hearted and Heartless AND They Get Worse From There On

Continuing what seems to be Public Service Announcement Week here at Zen Sarcasm, I leave you with a quickie checklist that may lift a heavy burden off your shoulders. 

Do you know/love/live with/have to endure a psychopath/sociopath? 

If you would like to read the full article, please click here.  But if you want the Cliffs Notes version, here is a serious questionnaire for you.  You may be saving yourself endless grief and suffering by realizing that maybe, just maybe, you are being used by someone who doesn't care about you.

How do you know if you're dealing with a sociopath (by Adam Khan):

1. Do you often feel used by the person?

2. Have you often felt that he (or she) doesn't care about you?

3. Does he lie and deceive you?

4. Does he tend to make contradictory statements?

5. Does he tend to take from you and not give back much?

6. Does he often appeal to pity? Does he seem to try to make you feel sorry for him?

7. Does he try to make you feel guilty?

8. Do you sometimes feel he is taking advantage of your good nature?

9. Does he seem easily bored and need constant stimulation?

10. Does he use a lot of flattery? Does he interact with you in a way that makes you feel flattered even if he says nothing overtly complimentary?

11. Does he make you feel worried? Does he do it obviously or more cleverly and sneakily?

12. Does he give you the impression you owe him?

13. Does he chronically fail to take responsibility for harming others? Does he blame everyone and everything but himself?

And does he do these things far more than the other people in your life? If you answered yes to many of these, you may be dealing with a sociopath. For sure you're dealing with someone who isn't good for you, whatever you want to call him.

I hope you find this useful in your day-to-day relationships.  Keep calm and carry on, now.